as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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