We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
