God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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