you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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