got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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