im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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