If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
