but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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