I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
