Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
