It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize