facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
