i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize