He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
