Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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