Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
