DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize