hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
