Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
