I puked a lego.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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