Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
