I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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