i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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