...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Life is so much better after having sex.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
