I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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