i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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