when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
