Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
