i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
