i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
