paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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