you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
