dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
