Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
