i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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