i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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