My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
