Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
