I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
