There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
