I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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