____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
