Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
