goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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