If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
