The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
