I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
