Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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