I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
