Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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