She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
