I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
