Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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