at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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