If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
