I think my fart just growled at me.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize