just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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