I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
