you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
