a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
