Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
