Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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