just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
