Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
