Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
