So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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