Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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