I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
