You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
