listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
