I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
