sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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