I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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